My Heart

As I was driving home tonight, I changed cds and decided it had been a while since I listened to third day, so I put in Come Together. I always listen to Show me Your Glory first, because it's one of my favorite songs. My other favorite song on that cd is My Heart. As I listened to it tonight, though, I kept finding myself replaying the first few lines...

Well, I paint a picture, I think it's easier to live that way.
But my heart is really broken.
I'm not the man you think I am when you see me each day,
torn apart and then left open.
Father, come and fill me up - I can't wait for you to overflow my cup.

Click. "I'm not the man you think I am when you see me each day..." That's EXACTLY how I've felt over the past three months. Every single day is new, different, exciting, turbulent, challenging, long, and most importantly, changing. Every single day of the past three months has left me falling asleep knowing that I am a different person from when I woke up that morning. I'm not quite sure if I could paint just one picture to describe this, but I know that it would include crashing waves amidst a beautiful sunset.

These months have been some of the roughest in a long time. There are challenges I've faced recently that I never knew I would have to face. I've taken leaps of faith over the past few months that the "old me" would never have even approached. This would be the crashing waves part. A lightning storm, a tornado winding across my path of life. Through it all, though, there has been a sense of peace. I am at peace, just like I am when watching the sun set at the end of a day.

While every day may be different, while I may be changing more now than I ever have before in my life, I know that in everything, there is a plan. I am following a path where I know where I am and I know where it ends, but the in-between has been planned with the perfection only God can design. And, because of that, I am confident in it... I am at peace with it.

As I sit here and write this, I'm still listening to third day, extremely confused about a lot of things, knowing that there is a ton of work ahead for me, but in the midst of all of this, without stress. If you pray to Him for guidance, he will provide. If you seek, you will find. Not in your time, but in His. His time is perfect. He is perfect.

He is beautiful, beyond all pictures or stories of ten thousand words can describe. His grace and glory is more than any creation of ours can ever emit. If you truly believe; if you have faith, He will provide... always, now and forever. Our life on this earth is only the beginning... only the beginning of an eternity whose beauty we can only dream of imagining.

Father come and fill me up; I can't wait for you to overflow my cup. My heart makes me wonder how much longer until you come back to take me away. My heart longs for you to fly right through the sky and take me to the place where I won't ever feel my heart break down again.